


No Forgiveness Without Love

by grandpajumpersandeyelashes



Series: Butterfly Kisses [4]
Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Forgiveness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-24
Updated: 2014-09-24
Packaged: 2018-02-18 14:24:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2351591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grandpajumpersandeyelashes/pseuds/grandpajumpersandeyelashes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Relationships can change thanks to the strangest things. Kieren and Simon are no exception as a necessary interaction between them finds them able to mend their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Forgiveness Without Love

**Author's Note:**

> While it isn't necessary to read the other works in this series I would like to encourage you to do so. They are connected in the same verse, so perhaps knowing what else has happened will help, but I make no promises.

Simon came over the next three nights for dinner. Jem would try to talk enough to fill the awkward silence between him and her brother, but not being much of a talker herself, it was awkward for all parties involved. Steve and Sue exchanged knowing glances, realizing what must have happened. Simon hadn’t been over to visit with Kieren or Kieren to his since the day he inexplicably left.

After the first three nights, Simon tells Sue he’ll be fine cooking for himself. In reality, cooking isn’t his strong suit. He could make a few things, but not nearly as well as Sue could. He was a bit out of practice too. Sue reluctantly agreed, making him promise to not be a stranger if he needed anything. His heart warmed at her continued kindness.

It wasn’t too long before he stopped feeling any effects of the drugs left in his body. He attributed most of that to the coroner’s work in removing bodily fluids and all that. His back ached every once in a while, but he refused to take any painkillers. That’s how it all started last time. Rather he grinded his teeth and twitched his fingers faster, trying to distract himself with anything other than the sharp bits of pain running down his spine.

Jem was stopping by to drop off one of Sue’s pies for him one afternoon when he was having one of the episodes. They had been talking a bit, just idle conversation, neither really talking about much when he had to suddenly sit, wincing at the pain. It always hurt by that point, but not nearly as bad as this. He actually cried out in a sharp yelp this time.

Concerned, Jem was quickly squatting at eye level with him, asking what was wrong, what she could do. She tried to get him to take medicine, anything, but he shook his head, refusing the pills she offered. He only let her lay him on his stomach with a cool towel over his apparently feverish forehead. He made no protest when she cut away the fabric of his jumper, leaving his back exposed. Normally he hated people seeing that gash, but the relief of fresh air against it without added irritation was enough to make him forget embarrassment.

“I’m getting Dr. Russo.” Jem said, startled. Simon tried to argue, but Jem shook her head. “Simon, I don’t really care if you say you’re fine, this needs to be looked at. It’s infected something terrible.”

Simon couldn’t help but sit and think how it was just his luck to be getting better only to be forced onto meds again. He tried to tell himself that it was just an antibiotic for the infection that had spread away from his back and an antiseptic cream for his back, having refused the prescription to ease the pain. It was there anyways, something Jem had gotten filled and put within reach for him if he ever needed it. She, Sue, or Steve, whoever came over to help him apply the cream in the morning and again in the evening would offer him some, but only to be met with the same response.

Sometimes when Jem would come, she’d stay and chat for a bit. Sue and Steve were usually just a quick, “How are you? Can I get you anything?” before leaving. Jem would sit sometimes for an hour or two to give him some company. He really appreciated her effort to at least treat him with some extra kindness.

“I’m off to London in a few days for University.” she told him one day. “I was going to tell you, but then, you know, stuff came up.”

Simon smiled, though he knew she couldn’t see it as she was gently cleaning his back. “That’s great, Jem. Congrats.” he told her genuinely. He wished at her age he would have had a future like she so obviously had now.

Jem bit her lip. “Mum and dad are coming with me to help move in, just for a few days.” she informed him. “So, we can’t come in just for a bit. Mum and dad will be back in almost no time, but...” her voice trailed off. “Kier said if it’s alright with you, he can come in to do this. Or else I’m sure Shirley or maybe Philip wouldn’t mind. There’d be someone.”

Simon felt his gut wrench at the mention of Kieren. He had been trying hard not to miss him, hard with his family being the only people in Roarton who seemed to care about him. “That’d be fine, Jem, if he’s ok with it. I don’t want to stop him from going to London with you though.”

Jem patted his shoulder blade twice, letting him know she was done. She helped him sit up, careful not to rub against the furniture or anything. “He couldn’t come anyways, he’s got an interviewer coming down for the art school he was going to go to before. The day we’re due in London. I told him I couldn’t make him miss it, it took them too long to get it scheduled in the first place. They made a special exception about the interview, letting him stay put since he’s already been given full scholarship before.”

Simon nodded. “That’s fantastic, for the both of you.” he said sincerely. Dutifully, he shook his head when she reached for the pain meds. “I’m fine, Jem. Really.” he lied. His back hurt and the cream stung worse than any other experience he could think of, but he wouldn’t take them. He wouldn’t get back on that track.

Jem sighed at the Irishman’s stubbornness. “Fine. I’ve got to go finish packing. See you tomorrow.” she told him before leaning in to place her customary kiss on his cheek. She hesitated for a second. “Simon?” she questioned.

“Mmm?” he hummed back questioningly.

“He misses you.” she said quietly before leaning in to close the rest of the gap. “See you.” she said, letting herself out before he could respond.

It was a good thing she left, because it would have been a long time before a coherent thought could have escaped his lips. He was stunned into silence, a sense of relief washing over him at the thought of that perfect boy still thinking about him in any way. He spent the rest of the night with a small grin on his face. His final thought before going to sleep was how he could have a chance at winning back Kieren’s love.

Before they went to the train, Jem and her parents stopped by the bungalow to say their goodbyes. Jem hugged him, careful of the ugly scar. “I’ll miss you, but I’ll call, promise.” she told the man who had quickly become her best friend, other than Kieren of course. “Take care.”

“Tar ar ais go luath.” Simon smirked, knowing that Jem had been prying him to teach her a bit of the Gaelic he knew. She looked at him confused for a moment, before he gave in. “Come back soon.” She kissed his cheek before they finally left, leaving Simon alone until that evening.

At seven thirty, there was a soft knock on the door. “Come in!” Simon called from where he sat on the couch, finishing his supper. He imagined that Amy would have been angry at his choice of meal location, but it was more comfortable than a hard backed chair on his back.

Kieren let himself in, quietly shutting the door behind him. He took off his shoes before coming in, looking a bit uncomfortable. “You should lock the door, you know. Seeing as you’re not exactly the healthiest right now, in case someone were to come in.” he said awkwardly, hovering a bit in the entry to the living room.

Simon looked to Kieren’s eyes, giving his classic one sided grin. “I mean no offense to your home town when I say, it’s Roarton. I’d be honored if something as exciting as a break in occurred now that things have settled down.”

Kieren’s mouth found its way to a small smirk. “I suppose.” he agreed. He realized he and Simon’s eyes were locked as they both gave slight smiles, so he dropped his gaze, blushing. “I’m here for your back.” he stated.

Simon nodded. “I know. I’m almost done though, you mind if I finish dinner first? You’re welcome to sit.” he gestured to the chair and the spot on the couch next to him. Kieren sat on his hands in the chair, staring straight ahead at the wall. Simon finally broke the silence. “Jem tells me you’ve got an interviewer coming down from art school.”

Kieren nodded, “Yeah, I do. Tomorrow afternoon.”

Simon was determined to keep the conversation going. “Nervous at all?”

Kieren shrugged, “They admitted me once already, I can’t imagine their acceptance policies have changed much in five and a half years.” he bit his lip. “I guess seeing as I’m, you know, dead come back to life though that might change things.”

“Hey, you’ll do great.” Simon encouraged. Kieren looked hesitant to accept it, however. “Hey, you’re incredible, Kieren. Your art is incredible.” he tried to cover, though he meant both statement as sincerely as he possibly could.

“Thanks.” Kieren said quietly. Simon set his plate on the table in front of him before beginning to take his shirt off. “Ready then?” he asked.

“Yeah, the blue tube right there’s what you need. Just need a spot of it, despite what your sister seems to think.” Simon told him before lying on his back. finally seeing the scar in Simon’s living flesh, Kieren gasped. “I’m sorry, if you don’t like to see it you can get Shirley to do it from now on. I just need you to do it tonight, Kieren.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Kieren said softly before running an unmedicated finger down the skin next to it slowly. “Doesn’t it hurt?” he questioned.

Simon shrugged, his shoulder muscles moving under Kieren’s hand. “Hurts like hell, but I’m used to it.” he told Kieren who began to apply the medication with gentle fingers. “It’s been getting better, I think. If not I’m getting used to it, anyways.” he let out a soft chuckle.

Kieren wiped his hands on a towel to get the excess off of them before opening the bottle of pain meds and handing a pill to Simon. Simon held the capsule, looking at it, considering, but still offered it back to Kieren. “No, take it. You’re in pain, that’s what it’s for.” Kieren urged. Simon only shook his head. “Why not?” he questioned, eyebrows furrowed as he looked to the other man.

Simon dropped his gaze to the floor. “For you, Kieren.” he mumbled, feeling strange actually admitting it.

Kieren sat on the edge of the table directly in front of Simon, and found himself grabbing his hand in both of his. “Why?” he breathed as soon as Simon met his eyes.

“I wanted to stay clean. For you, Kieren.” Simon told him. The golden haired boy was quick to retract a hand to wipe a stray tear from his eye. “Last time... It started with pain killers. I couldn’t relapse, Kieren, not when someone like you somehow saw hope for me.”

Kieren’s arms were soon around Simon. He mumbled an unneeded apology after Simon grunted at the discomfort. He would have gone through all the pain over and over again to have his arms around him. He pulled Kieren close, savoring the smell of paint, ink, and canvas that always lingered on Kieren’s skin. Far too soon, Kieren was pulling away from his embrace. Simon dropped his arms from Kieren’s torso to allow him to move away.

To Simon’s delight, he didn’t move far. He sat next to Simon on the couch, his leg touching Simon’s just slightly. Before long, Kieren stretched his neck up and kissed Simon’s cheek, almost exactly where Jem had earlier. Simon couldn’t explain it, but it was more intimate, meant more to him that any of Jem’s endearing gestures. Of course he recognized that with Kieren there was an element of romanticism that Jem’s lacked, but the action in of itself felt like it had healing powers coming from the slight boy.

“Forgive me?” Simon pleaded, turning his head to meet Kieren’s stunning brown eyes. “I don’t deserve it, but please, forgive me, even if you can’t love me anymore.”

Kieren reached up to hold Simon’s face. His thumb briefly traced over the spot his lips had just been before those same lips captured Simon’s in a tender embrace. Always surprised by the fact that someone as incredible as Kieren could pay him any mind, Simon enthusiastically responded, holding Kieren’s face in his own hands. If Simon lost his sense of touch again, and could only ever remember the sensation of one thing, it would be the feeling of Kieren’s face in his hands, jaw moving slightly under his hands as his lips pressed against his own.

When Kieren pulled away, they both needed air. Once Kieren had enough breath to speak, he assured Simon, “I forgive you, Simon. I forgive you because I love you, more than anything.” he promised, looking at Simon with the same admiration that Simon so often looked at him with.

Simon looked ready for tears. Forgiveness was not something often shown to him in his past life, rightfully so, he thought. His parents shouldn’t have had to forgive him for stealing from them, for leaving in the middle of the night, showing up weeks later, stoned, and looking for a place to stay until his next fix was found. He didn’t see himself as deserving Kieren’s forgiveness then either, but found himself not wanting to question it. The boy, no, the man he loved had forgiven him, that was enough for now.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” he whispered into the other man’s hair as he kissed it. “I love you, Kieren, I love you so much more than you know.”

**Author's Note:**

> First, the bit of Gaelic I tried to use is from google translate. Obviously it is a flawed translator at times, so if you happen to know how it is said correctly, please let me know and I will gladly fix it.  
> Can you tell that was the part I've been wanting to write? Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed!


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